Goodbye & Good Sex!

Well, I’m saying goodbye, but really I just mean goodbye for now.

After the sudden realisation that I have too many blogs on my hands, (links to the ones that are still active will come below!) I figured that I needed to put a stop to one of them, even if it’s just for a little while.

So, this was the chosen one, unfortunately.

Being newly single too, I wouldn’t find it necessarily hard to write about sex, but everyone has a recovery process in which they’d much rather not think about anything to do with relationships.

Anyway, you can still see my writing in the following places:

All Things Lesbian (click!) – A blog mainly for the LGBT community, but there’s often something for the straight world too.

Grey’s Gabble (click!) – I’ve recently been recruited to write for this somewhat famous blog regarding Grey’s Anatomy. You can find my posts on Fridays & Saturdays here.

Lezbelib (click!) – Even more recently, I was asked to write for this LGBT website. My topics include LGBT news and television, so head on down if you’re interested in any of these topics.


Well, there’s nothing left to say but goodbye.

I really have enjoyed writing this blog, but for various reasons, I’ve decided that this was the blog that must come to it’s end.

It may be back one day, but for now, have good sex and stay healthy!

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How Much Sex Is Not Enough?

So the other day, my girlfriend pointed out that we don’t have sex as much as we used to.

Don’t get me wrong, we do it at least 3 times a week – usually more often.

But when you first begin a relationship, you’re in that ‘can’t keep your hands off each other phase’, and sex (for me, anyway) happens pretty much every day.

So I was wondering: how much sex is simply not enough?

I know for a fact that many married couples have sex once – sometimes even less than – a week. They obviously make that work for them though, because many couples stay together with little or no sex.

So what would you call ‘not enough’?

I mean, it varies from couple to couple: some love to have sex every day (a minority, I’m guessing) and some prefers to just fit it in when they can.

In my honest opinion, I believe it depends on the couple in question and the personality traits of each half of a partnership.

To me, the amount of sex I have with my girlfriend is a good amount, and I’m pretty sure she agrees.

But what do you think? Do you wish you had more, or maybe even less, sex?

Does sex feel like a chore to you or a pleasure?

Comment below and tell me your thoughts.

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Doggy Do Or Doggy Don’t?

We all have our favourite positions, right? Well there’s one in particular that I can’t decide on.

Everyone’s heard of doggy style. If you haven’t click HERE, because I ain’t explainin’.

Well anyway, before I’d ever done this position, I thought it was pretty disgusting.

You know, your partner bends over (unsightly?) and it’s just not romantic.

And then I actually tried it.

Yep, my girlfriend and I strapped it on and got things going. And my mind was instantly changed.

I mean, there are couples who stay together for months and years and their sex life becomes bland. Without switching things up in the bedroom, sex would get boring and frankly non-existent. No one would even make an effort.

So I’d definitely recommend ‘Doggy Style’ (a disgusting name, if you ask me) to those who are comfortable with their partner and are looking for some spice in the bedroom.

However, when you’re having a one night stand or you barely know the person, I find that doggy style is a little like porn without the camera.

If you want a quickie, why not use a nicer position to get yourselves going to? I mean, if you barely know your sexual partner, why not at least get to know them intimately, rather than screwing them and tossing them aside like you would in an adult movie?

Doggy style is hot, but it’s hardly romantic. It feels good, but really guys? Come on.

Save it for someone you actually know and stop leaving people feeling used. Unless, you know, you both actually really want it that way…

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Not Tonight Dear, I’m Off My Head

Yep, thought I’d use the same title as last week with a few adjustments.

Although it doesn’t really apply…

What I really want to discuss is why having an orgasm when drunk is such an effort.

Has anyone had this experience?

You have really, really good sex when drunk. You know, less inhibitions and all that.

But when it actually comes to being ‘finished off’, it’s the hardest thing ever. I mean, it’s harder than a fat person balancing on one leg on a 3-legged table whilst drunk.

It’s not that the sex sucks, it’s that you suck.

Alcohol makes you horny, but at the same time, you can’t concentrate properly. When you’re drunk, your mind wanders, your senses aren’t as up to scratch as you’d like them to be, and having an orgasm is practically impossible.

But is there a cure to this?

If you find one, let me know. Because there’s nothing more frustrating than having amazing sex that would make you orgasm within 10 minutes when sober, but because you’re overly inebriated it’s practially impossible.

It’s like doing a Mary Poppins and magically using an umbrella to fly off to the next town. And, unless you’re Julie Andrews, you know this will never happen.

Maybe Doctors could invent a pill that sobers you up within 60 seconds.

Okay, now I’m just rambling…

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Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got Chronic PMS.

You all know the whole ‘not tonight, I’ve got a headache’ excuse, right?

Well, 85% of the time, that bitch is lying.

So, if you’re certain she isn’t making it up to get out of your bad, bad sex techniques, here’s what to do.

1) Lay off sex for about 3 days. Then, when she’s (or he’s) least expecting it, pounce on her. It can be anywhere you like. Which leads to my next point…

2) Pick a random place to do it. The last thing she (or he, JEEZ) is gonna expect is you to make a pass at her under a railway bridge. Or in the middle of a nightclub. Or in your Aunt’s house… Anyway, a wild location is often a turn on, so get your imagination in gear.

3) Act like you don’t want sex. Let’s try some reverse psychology here. Surely if your girlfriend (or boyfriend, I get it!) doesn’t want sex and then you act like you don’t need it she’ll eventually give in. She’ll wonder why you don’t want her and force herself onto you. Perfect.

4) Buy her a new ‘toy’. Oh come on, I don’t need to explain the innuendo. You know what kind of toy I’m talking about. Try something you know she’s never tried before. If you need some good websites to help you along with this point, comment below and I’ll do my best to point you in the right direction.

5) Do it the old way. Romance her into it. Treat her like a princess (/prince, yeah yeah yeah) and you’re likely to get something in return. Hint: a new pair of SHOES or a nice piece of JEWELLERY would be a start…

So there you have it, just a few tips.

And what’s more, these tips come from a woman.

So guys, try them out, but don’t be too obvious. Subtlety is key.

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What’s That I Smell? *pounces*

Nobody likes a smelly bird to have sex with.

Well, I don’t.

This blog will basically be my top 5 sexy perfumes/scents.

Works for me, anyway ;)

Scent #1: Chanel, No. 5: Not only is this my favourite perfume of all time, it definitely makes my pulse race. A scent for the classier (and better off in the economic stakes!) lady, you know it’s expensive, and everyone at some point, whether they knew what it was or not, has smelt this perfume. It’s legendary.

Scent #2: Yves Saint Laurent, Parisienne: You’ve all seen the Kate Moss ad campaign photo shoot. This scent works best on the sweet, younger (by younger, I mean 18-25 year old – let’s not be paedophilic, now) female, as its lilac, sherbet-y tones are cute, yet sexy.

Scent #3: Avon, Secret Fantasy: Okay, I may be biased here. This is the perfume my girlfriend often wears. However, the fact that it’s on sale at £6 (buy it HERE, UK readers) makes it both cheap and sexy. It’s pretty much the scent of cherries – one of the sexiest fruits – and you’re guaranteed to love it. And the price!

Scent #4: Sarah Jessica Parker, NYC: Might as well do some celebrity plugging while I’m here. Although, as Peter Griffin once put it, Sarah Jessica Parker has a weird ‘hot body, weird face’ combination, she definitely doesn’t smell weird. This perfume is again of the sweeter variety, yet it has sexy undertones that make people’s heads spin. (Take my girlfriend, for example.)

Scent #5: Post-gym sweat?: Okay, this depends entirely on who the sweat is on. For instance, I’m guessing THIS GUY doesn’t smell great after a gym session. However, I’m guessing THIS LADY (yes, that’s a very young Sofia Vergara) doesn’t smell all that bad. What you need to do is get a good friend (who won’t judge you) to smell you after you’ve been to the gym. If she says you smell like B.O. then definitely deodorize. If she says you don’t smell bad at all, we’re onto a winner. Many long-term partners love the smell of their lover, so check that too. Anyway, the point is that a lot of people love a shiny, moist body after the gym. Not dripping in sweat, but that glowing sort of perspiration. You know? I do… *wink wink*

So, go to your local perfume store and try a sample of each of them.

See which ones you like, which ones you don’t and which ones you’d consider spraying before sex.

Did you know smell is the most powerful of the senses?


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Noise, Noise, Noise!

Okay, I wrote about quiet sex LAST week, so why not rant about sound waves some more?!

I mean, come on, do sound waves even need to exist?

Of course they do.

But during sex, I’d really prefer my bedroom to be sound proofed.

See this week, my girlfriend and I decided that strapping it on would be fun.

I mean, strapping it on is always fun. But this week, my girlfriend, for whatever reason, requested it so that I could absolutely destroy her. (Don’t know what that means? Click HERE.)

Anyway, just like any straight couple who are in possession of a fully-functioning and completely real penis (hey straight people, this blog relates to you too!), we decided that trying a few different positions was the way to go.

However, sharing an apartment with four other people does not bode well with our sexual adventures.

“Do me on the desk?” *tries it* “Too noisy”.

“Do me against the wardrobe?” *tries it* “Too noisy.”

It came to the point that even if we tried having sex in BED, the constant rocking back and forth made so much noise that the floor was the only place where we would get anything done.

Don’t get me wrong, having sex anywhere is hot, but the thought of doing my girlfriend on the desk? Fucking orgasmic.

That is all.

And I promise next week, I won’t rant about the problems of sound again…

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